Third-time mama, Rhiannon, shares the story of her healing freebirth following two births within the system. Here she tells us of her reasons for choosing to opt out of the system for her third pregnancy and birth, and how this wonderful sovereign experience has imprinted onto her children, paving the way for generations to come.
“I am glad to have had the wonderful birth keeper Sophia, tell me that it’s a good idea to write up the story of my freebirth and take this time to reflect on it on a deeper level. Thank you for that.
On the 28th December on a dark and ferociously windy and stormy evening, my beautiful, little son Sonny was born free, outside of the medical system.
Me? Can I do this, really? I know it sounded right, I know it’s how it should be, but would I manage it? I told myself every day that I could. Of course I could. Birthing babies is ancient. Only massive corporations, money and power made us all believe it wasn’t possible; I knew all of that. I read some incredible books that I picked up along the way, for example ‘Reclaiming Birth as a Rite of Passage’ by Dr Rachel Reed & ‘Ten Moons’ by Jane Hardwick Collins. I also followed inspirational women on Instagram. Our bodies are made for this. I surrounded myself with positive women, wonderful birth keeper, Mia of Village Birth and yoga.
MY PREVIOUS BIRTHS
Sonny is my third baby. My first freebirth and first home birth. My first baby was born in hospital; a failed water birth, pulled out, crying before she was even born fully. An episiotomy, without my knowledge. Who knows, it was an ’emergency’ wasn’t it? Even though at all times her heart rate was fine. Was I informed of the risks? Was it necessary? Hell… I don’t know. She was born all within the day, but there were shift changes. I think they just thought; “young 23 year old, first time baby, let’s get this over with now, it’s nearly 12am”.
Theres lots I have to process about this birth, and how my sweet sensitive girl was affected by all of this. I wish I knew, I wish all mothers knew, what was possible in birth. Not going into it blind, trusting all ‘professionals’, like I did.
For my second birth, my first son, I found a doula. He was born within the hour in hospital in a birthing pool. I still handed myself over, made them catch my baby, and got on with life so, so quickly after. I wish, looking back, that I had found trust in myself and again, knowledge, to do this all at home. How much more peaceful that would have been. Instead, on a late June day, I sat sweltering in a hospital with a sweet boy, waiting for doctors to check us over for hours and hours before we could leave and go home. We weren’t discharged until a pointless check was done. I wish I’d walked. My sweet toddler, home all day and night with her daddy. Now it feels wrong that we were all apart.
How I wish things had been different, but trusting this, perhaps my story can help others to now change the way we see birth. Certainly for my children it will do. Especially my daughter, of course.
CHOOSING WILD PREGNANCY
I chose to do this pregnancy completely out of the system. According to the doctors when I tried to register my son, ‘You didn’t tell us you were pregnant.’ No, I didn’t go there to be honest. I emailed the head midwife of the area to say what I would be doing, they replied to tell me all of the other options, but I politely declined and told her I knew where to go if needed anything. I was well, very well.
Not one person told me ‘your iron is low’ or ‘your urine is showing this’, ‘you are measuring small’, ‘you are measuring too big’, ‘your blood pressure says this’. I trusted the entire process of my baby and my body.
Someone told me that when a baby knows it’s going to be free birthed, it shows up more inside. This baby constantly showed me reminders that he was strong and healthy. He was such a wriggler, and we had this deep, deep connection and trust that I’d never gained before. Previously, I’d let random people tell me what my body was doing and how my baby was acting/growing/measuring inside of me. It’s like I didn’t know before, until a scan told me what was going on, or a tape measure, or the hands of a random stranger. This time I had the space to connect and be intuitive.
PREPARING MY OLDER CHILDREN
Nine months of preparing my space.. and guiding my two older ones through the process. My daughter who was 7 and my son 6, only see birth as non-medicalised; a natural process, no checks to be had, no testing needed, and in a safe environment wherever you wish. We read some wonderful stories (Australian authors only, why!?), and they saw no other way than that I would bring this baby into the world in my bedroom upstairs in a pool, with my birthkeeper and their daddy by my side. They were free to be doing whatever they wanted. My mum came and sat with them when I was in the depths of labour that early evening.
NOTICING THE FIRST LABOUR SENSATIONS
Never had I felt so deeply and slowly what was happening to my body. I had the exact same thing happen at the beginning of this labour as my previous births; waking up for my first toilet trip of the day, waters trickling out, labour begins.. the rest is history.
This 4am ish start, one morning, after a week of bodily clear outs (!!) on the toilet, I was woken to the feeling of stronger movements and different feelings across my stomach. It was such a deep, dark December morning. Everyone asleep, exhausted after the Christmas filled days prior. Would it really happen today? The other two were out within a day, but this time felt so different. So much slower in the days previously, plus my waters hadn’t released which shocked me… when would they break?! Well, they never did to my knowledge!
I had surges in the bath every hour.. I took two baths that day, maybe three. It was the only thing that made my body weightless and reminded me to breathe so deep and close my eyes. Water really was a healer to me. I spent the day downstairs with the children and my partner. I ate good food, drank herbal teas and took more baths.
ENTERING THE BIRTH PORTAL
Around 5pm, I messaged my birth keeper to say that my surges were now half an hour apart. Although they didn’t last long, before I knew it, they really did. I was on all fours on my bedroom floor breathing deep and listening to my spotify birth playlist. My partner was in and out, as were our two dogs, sorting out our other children. I really felt I could just be completely alone and do this.
I was roaring so much, my kids tell me I sounded like a lion!
My birth keeper arrived and reminded me that yes, now is the time to fill up the pool. My birth altar had a beeswax candle lit, and birth affirmations stuck to the wall above that my older two put up. I also had some beautiful postcards from Myriad Toys on there too. My older two had spent the last few weeks helping me dress the little table with a silk, little plant, and lots of crystals for labour. I had my salt lamp on in my bedroom also to give that beautiful warm glow. Looking back, there is nothing I’d have added to that space. A totally different picture from the last two places I’d birthed babies.
When I was in the pool around 7pm, I was weightless. In this beautiful squishy birth pool I had hired from Gentle Births Birthing Pools. I remember saying so so many times ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore,’ however this was the end.. already. Suddenly I was so so close. No one in the birth room could believe it when I said ‘the head is out.’ I was roaring so much, my kids tell me I sounded like a lion!
SONNY’S ARRIVAL
Suddenly with another surge, I was silent. I couldn’t even make the sounds any more. I caught this perfect baby in my arms and lifted him up to me thinking; my baby is beautiful, he’s healthy and strong and well…. I’ve just birthed a baby, entirely away from the system on my own. I’ve caught my baby. No one’s hands have touched me or my baby.
His cord was wrapped twice around his neck, yet he cried just beautifully and my birth keeper untied it whilst I just stared at him. She said he had the most beautiful deep colour and it was unusual in water births for them to just be so present and bright this soon after.
There was barely any blood loss in the pool. My previous births were full of blood after… full. I could not believe that I had birthed a baby that was untouched, unmeasured throughout and just how a baby would have come into the world so many years ago. I am glad for him, and my body.
It was like tying up threads on the most incredible healing journey.
After my placenta was birthed, it was like a gate closing. It really was. I barely bled in the days after as I had done before. Weeks of heavy blood and endless pads. I feel like there was just no trauma to my body, and my body was so appreciative that it could just get on with its job, and close everything up for good. It was like tying up threads on the most incredible healing journey.
I got into bed, thanks to my wonderful birth keeper, making my bed all beautiful, so I could just slide in. She ensured I had complete comfort, a pair of knickers on and then went on her way.
POSTPARTUM JOY
We didn’t leave the house for three weeks, and even then it was a walk for 10 minutes. My wonderful, wonderful other half made me placenta smoothies every single day for roughly 10 days. He used the recipe from the book First Forty Days by Heng Ou; full of coconut oil, nut butter, cacao.. Oh so healing and welcome. He brought it to my bedside every day, and took care of everything downstairs. How I wish and pray that every mother could be held in this way. I count my blessings for what he did for us all, very often. I will make sure that my two sons are aware of how a mother birthing their child should be treated and cared for. And to my daughter, how she should be resting without judgement and given time to reflect and connect, and to be nourished and looked after.
My sweet Sonny boy went from the birth pool to bed in the same room. There was no touching of his body except this family. My 7 year old daughter cut his cord after an hour of him being born. They are 7 days apart in their birthdays, the same star sign Earth children. I believe my first and last will always share a deep soul connection. I have learnt so much since her birth to my final one. They both have taken me from the depths, and up again.
Well unsurprisingly, Sonny is my most chilled, content baby of all. He even sleeps on his back, relaxed as can be like a starfish. He just knew he was safe; he knew not to fear anything. This is something I pray for for each baby. Imagine how we could change the world if babies were born to mothers who weren’t afraid, in spaces meant for birth, in low lighting, touched by no one but their mothers. Not ‘checked’ by checklists, amongst crying babies in wards, bright lights, fear, people rushing, fast energy. Oh hell, no.
INSPIRING OTHERS
If only I had known. I hope my story helps just one other woman, to trust herself and pave the way for beautiful entrances to the world. Healed and powerful mothers and confident, happy children. Let’s give a fat finger up to medicalised, rushed births. Obstetricians with zero connection to the mothers, only a connection to timeframes and charts where you’re seen as just a number. You only have to go on Kemi Johnson’s instagram for a minute to see the horror stories of what goes on behind the scenes. Please, stay away if you can.
Thank you for reading.. It took me time to get here.
9 months now, and I have enjoyed (nearly!) every day. My beautiful placenta still sits in my freezer, awaiting the time it is planted back to the earth under a gorgeous tree where it will be thanked deeply for what it did so beautifully for my baby and for me. It has been used to make smoothies, homeopathic remedies for baby and I, and a tincture to take me well into menopause.
It was an honour to walk alongside Kirsty as she prepared to birth autonomously outside of the system. Kirsty began her journey meeting with midwives, but quickly reclaimed her power, choosing freebirth. Here she shares her story of how she ventured to the depths of her soul to meet her baby, enduring a 6 day labour.
“I don’t expect anyone to make it through this whole story, though you’re welcome to if you’d like. For me, typing it out felt important as an exercise of processing and healing.
This is a long birth story because my labour began on a Tuesday, and Ronan was born on Sunday.
I am a single mum, so my doula (the fantastic Sophia Crawford) was my main birth partner.
This was my first baby, conceived after a previous loss.
I planned a freebirth at home with Sophia’s support. While not technically a ‘freebirth’ in the end, I don’t give the midwives any credit for the eventual safe appearance of my son.
To prepare, I followed lots of freebirth accounts on social media. I fully educated myself on physiological birth, retraining my brain to see birth not as a medical event. Birth is a natural occurrence that occasionally needs medical support.
I invited my wonderful friend Lizzie to be at any or all of the birth. She had a 15-month-old, so she weaves in and out of the story.
My aunt (Claire) in Ireland also provided support from afar as we are very close. She is/was mine and the baby’s next of kin.
Sophia was with me for all five days (what a legend). She received moral support via phone and social media from Claire and various other doula’s in the Bristol/Southwest network! Thank you to Daniella Dean, Alix Thorpe, and Sam Gadsden.
MONDAY: PRE-LABOUR
Over the weekend before labour started, I’d had pretty regular ‘twinges’ during the day. I continued to walk my dog daily. I’d take him on big hikes up hills, along rivers and streams to try and keep things consistent. Hills were becoming more challenging, and I was getting more breathless but moving felt good! For reference, I’m 5ft 4 and a size 8-10, so my bump felt disproportionately huge. I felt like baby was trying to claw his way out; his movements were so big!
I was expecting a decent-sized baby as I was born at 9lb 4, and we’ve had the odd 10lb baby in our family. I’d had regular ‘niggles’ over the weekend and surges in the evenings that tailed off by morning. By Monday evening, I had relatively frequent and intense but manageable surges, but by midnight things seemed like they’d tailed off again as they’d done previous nights, so I went back to bed and focused on getting sleep.
TUESDAY: 40+1
I woke at about 4.30, and things felt like they were starting again. The latent phase of labour had meant that things had stopped as daylight came around for the past few days. I found it frustrating, but despite this I think I’d done a good job of surrendering to the process.
I managed surges in my living room, dancing, singing to Ronan, leaning over my ball, and breathing to music.
I messaged Lizzie at about 5am and asked if she could come today. I’d been alone for a few days and needed some distraction. At 7.30am, I updated Lizzie to say that I thought the baby was trying to get into position as he was incredibly active with each surge! It’s interesting looking back on my text messages to see that I’d known from the start he wasn’t in the easiest position to make his way down.
Surges continued into the day, so I let Sophia know, and Lizzie and her little girl came for the morning. While they were here, I used my ball and ignored the surges. Lizzie said she might be able to come back later if things continued. When they left late morning, I decided to get some sleep and said I’d let her know if anything changed.
SOPHIA’S ARRIVAL
At about 1.30pm, I updated Lizzie to let her know they were ramping up. I then texted around for someone to come and walk my dog. In planning, I’d thought I would probably like to continue walking him in early labour, but I didn’t feel I could do that with the strength of the surges. Lizzie returned around 3pm for a couple of hours. We layed on my bed together in a mixture of quiet and chatting as surges came every few minutes. When Lizzie left, I organised for Sophia to come. While waiting for Sophia, I managed surges in my living room, dancing, singing to Ronan, leaning over my ball, and breathing to music. I felt really calm and excited to meet my baby soon… 🤣
I felt this process was sending me to the depths of my soul and would be healing. I was right.
At about 6pm, Sophia arrived, but things seemed to slow as the evening went on. So much so that we could eat and watch a few episodes of Friends. We put the slowing down to the change of energy with Sophia arriving. I anticipated things would restart again if I got into bed, so Sophia decided to sleep on the sofa while I got some rest. I left Ralph (dog) downstairs with Sophia and went to bed.
WEDNESDAY: 40+2
Things ramped up again when I got to bed. By 4am Wednesday, they went up a notch further. I’d created a nice nest space in my bedroom with dim lights and a large quilt folded on the floor. Sophia set up the oil burner as I’d chosen to burn lavender and frankincense. Ralph assumed his position by my side. We spent the morning here, and surges built in intensity again. Lizzie joined us at around 8am for a couple of hours, offering love and words for Ronan, and again in the afternoon for a couple of hours, when I moved downstairs for a change of scene.
During the morning session in my bedroom, I felt quite emotional. I had the first of a few emotional releases over the next few days. By 3pm downstairs, I was making noise and having long, intense back-to-back contractions. My body was working so hard as I was leaning into and managing the surges with my breath and movement. I spent lots of time in a squat position on my living room rug (which is where Ronan was eventually born).
Baby was still very active with each surge, and I felt really confident he was ok.
LISTENING TO MY BODY
I was feeling into my body and moving intuitively, and I found myself lunging a lot to the right to create space in my left hip. So I told Sophia; ‘I feel like the baby is in my hip; something there feels sticky.’ I’d also been asking Sophia to hold my bump up for me as this relieved a lot of the pressure in my hip and made surges feel more productive. Sophia could feel what I was feeling, that baby was very active still with each surge, and I felt really confident he was ok. He was such an active baby in the womb, so his movements were reassuring.
Although I knew he was head down, I felt he wasn’t in a position to easily make his way out, so we tried some gentle biomechanical positions to encourage him out of my hip. The side-lying hip release made surges feel so much more painful and intense. By about 8pm, I felt tired from the length and strength of surges. My cervix felt irritated and my womb was really tired. Sophia suggested I get in the bath to try and become more comfortable, which felt exactly what I needed.
ALLOWING MY BODY TO REST
In the bath, surges seemed to stop completely! In hindsight, I probably should have just stayed there and let my womb rest, but in the moment, I didn’t want to be experiencing no surges, so I quite quickly got out of the bath in the hope they’d re-start; however, nothing would bring them back that night. It was like my womb was saying ‘no more for now,’ as it regularly did over the rest of the labour. At about 11pm, I decided that I shouldn’t be ‘trying’ to get my body to do anything and we should call it a night and get some rest. I was tired, and my back was also in pain, spasming on one side.
THURSDAY: 40+3
I woke up at 4am after 4 hrs of broken sleep. My womb had had her rest, and strong surges were building again. Throughout Thursday, I had surges build twice to the very ‘active labour’ stage of back-to-back incredibly long and intense surges, only to die off again after several hours of mooing. At one point, I really felt like this couldn’t possibly slow down again as surges were so intense and required so much focus on my breath to manage, but after a couple more hours, it felt as though nothing was changing.
I began to feel exhausted, a bit frustrated, and I really felt I needed to lie down and again like my womb needed a rest/refuel. Upon lying down, the surges quickly tapered off. It was like a switch had been flicked, and labour completely paused! Sophia and I were shaking our heads, almost in mild amusement. I remember thinking my cervix must be dilating as I’d passed bloody mucus throughout the day and thought I could feel it stretching. I also was sure my waters hadn’t broken yet.
The support and encouragement I got from Sam Gadsden’s Freebirth group was great. What was happening was normalised, and I felt armed to continue to trust the process and ride out the rest of the labour.
COMFORTING WORDS FROM AFAR
Later in the afternoon, Sophia had been with me for 48 hours. Surges were now back as short, intense bursts more spaced apart that I could rest through. I wanted to call Claire (my aunt) for a sense check. She is an osteopath, and I was hoping she could suggest something for the stalling and the baby’s position in my hip, which I felt was causing the spasms in my back and were now really bothering me.
Claire helpfully suggested that the only thing I could do was maybe take some paracetamol for the back pain so I could relax and get some sleep and trust the process and my intuition, and baby would be here soon.
Sophia had also been encouraging me to continue to trust my intuition, which felt so hard the more tired I became, and the more surges stopped, so this is exactly what I needed to do and hear from Claire. I decided to take Claire’s advice and get some rest and suggested Sophia go home and get some rest too, a change of clothes, shower, etc. I also wondered if a few hours to myself might change anything.
REACHING OUT TO THE FREEBIRTH COMMUNITY
For the rest of Thursday evening, I laid in bed, having short surges that felt like every 2 or 3 minutes, and they were strong but still much shorter and less intense than earlier in the day. The paracetamol helped, and I put a post on Sam Gadsden’s Freebirth group while lying in bed. I just hadn’t encountered a story like mine in my prep for this freebirth, so I wasn’t prepared for such frequent stalling of very active labour.
I asked for people to share similar stories if they had them. The support and encouragement I got from that group was great. What was happening was normalised, and I felt armed to continue to trust the process and ride out the rest of the labour. I messaged Claire to tell her I was resting and that I felt this process was sending me to the depths of my soul and would be healing. I was right.
FRIDAY: 40+4
During the early hours of Friday am, I became agitated as the paracetamol wore off, and during surges, my back was really going into spasm again, so I couldn’t get at all comfortable. Sophia returned at 6am to find me on the toilet and quite distressed by my back. She ran a bath and massaged the pain away for me until I could eventually lie back. Surges ramped up to once again become very regular and very strong. It was daylight, so thanks to Sophia’s suggestion, I put on my eye mask, put in my earplugs, and went into the zone. Sophia sat next to me, just watching my bump. I remember hearing her words of encouragement and the odd ‘wow’ as she could see the strength of the surges and the baby’s big movements.
This continued throughout the morning, and the surges felt big, long, and productive. By late morning/lunchtime, I decided I needed to move, so I got out of the bath and moved into my spare room.
I set myself up in the corner of the room, swaying to my music. Sophia was out of the room, probably preparing me food or letting out the bath, and I felt really weary. This is where I had another big emotional release. I got an overwhelming feeling that my nan was with me and sobbed. I sobbed out fear, frustration, and grief. Then I remember Sophia’s arms wrapping around me from nowhere as she held the space for me to let out my emotion. It felt really good to let it out.
NOTICING MY BODILY CHANGES
As I regained my composure, the surges remained strong, and my waters started to trickle. I remember feeling like I was roaring, bent over the bed/standing, and rocking through almost back-to-back surges now. Sophia asked if I’d felt to see if I could feel anything, so I did. It felt like the sac of waters were bulging at my cervix.
After a couple more hours of massive surges, I felt my womb and myself become totally exhausted again. Lying down had sometimes brought me relief throughout labour. So I moved to side laying in the hope it would give me some moments of less intensity. Surges were still strong but became really spaced out in this position, and I got almost complete relief in between them again, enough to order more coconut water from Deliveroo, much to Sophia’s amusement.
I think I must have gone through about 10 litres of coconut water from this point onwards by the time he came out, as it’s all I could stomach. While it was tempting to stay upright to continue on, and it felt confusing that surges died off so much when I laid down on my side, I felt like I needed to rest and refuel before continuing. It had been an intense and long day.
Ordering more coconut water after days of intense labour… as you do.
FEELING THE FRUSTRATION
It was now evening on Friday, and I decided to get back in the bath. I was beginning to feel frustrated again now. Not because I was worried or didn’t trust the process, but because I was tired and concerned for Sophia if it went on for days more and that my family would begin to worry as they hadn’t heard from me for a few days. I didn’t want the pressure of people knowing I was in labour and the added task of setting boundaries for their concerns.
ANOTHER EMOTIONAL RELEASE
In response to my post on Sam Gadsden’s freebirth group, someone shared some meditations on releasing during labour. Sophia suggested I do these in the bath. During these, my surges really slowed further. I surrendered to the meditation and became aware I was sobbing after a time. I’m talking proper snot bubbles and ugly crying as Sophia rested a hand on my arm. When I came round from my tears, I felt I’d shifted something and like I was going to be sick, and I was. My emotions have always been delicately tied to my physical state, so I saw this release as normal and felt better afterwards, but everything in my body had almost completely stopped.
Rather than overthink this, I eased into the process further, renewed from my sob. Sophia and I went downstairs, we ate, watched friends, chatted, and I bounced on the ball. It was now late Friday night. Sophia rested on the living room floor, me on the sofa.
Sophia and I worked together in the months leading up to labour. At some point, I mentioned to Sophia that I didn’t want a c-section because I suffer from adhesions (scar tissue sticking together). I have lots of bowel adhesions from previous surgeries. During my pregnancy, I’d been referred to a consultant at 16 wks because I’d previously had a LLETZ treatment to my cervix to remove abnormal cells. I was just under the criteria for needing consultant-led care. Still, they decided to refer me anyway without my consent. But the point is, I’d previously had minor surgery on my cervix, and I suffer from adhesions.
SATURDAY: 40+5
Sophia and I rested in the living room in silence for a while, and I breathed through surges and tried to get some rest. Shortly after midnight, we began talking. Sophia mentioned that she had been looking into the evidence for whether scar tissue/adhesions can prevent a cervix from dilating and found this possible. She asked me if I thought there was any chance this might be what was going on for me. I was open to considering anything causing such established labour to stop and start.
INVITING MIDWIVES IN
We discussed how I would feel about midwives checking my cervix to ensure it was dilating and ruling out scar tissue. While I felt confident this probably wouldn’t be the case, once we had discussed it, I knew the niggle wouldn’t go away until I got checked. Sophia called the home birth team and invited them to come. They knew my plan was a freebirth, so they asked what I would want from them. I said one VE to check my cervix and the baby’s position if possible and that the bag of waters was bulging. I just wanted confirmation of what my intuition told me: that my cervix was dilated, and he was tilted into my hip. This is exactly what they came to do.
One midwife said she couldn’t believe I was sitting on the ball, holding a completely coherent conversation and advocating for myself whilst almost completely dilated.
They arrived at about 5am. I had put together a specific birth plan for any medical intervention, which the midwives mostly followed, minus the odd boundary push I deflected. When they arrived, I was in the bath. Sophia asked them to read the birth plan, and they came in to meet me and discuss again what I wanted.
During their checks, I didn’t really have surges, I remained very calm and advocated for us clearly. The first midwife asked permission to palpate to check the baby’s position. She noted that it looked like my bladder was very full as there was a large bulge over my pubic bone and asked the second midwife to come in and confirm. I felt I’d been going to the toilet whenever I needed it but noted I’d not been for a while! As per my birth plan, I reminded them I wouldn’t consent to a catheter and spent quite some time trying to wee. Eventually, I emptied my bladder and moved downstairs for my cervix to be checked.
CHECKING DILATION
The midwives said they’d like to listen to the baby before and after the VE, which I agreed to as I knew he was fine. He was. The VE confirmed I was pretty much ‘fully dilated’ (the midwife said she couldn’t feel any cervix), with the baby’s head right there in his bag of waters, and the midwife told me that she thought the baby was slightly tilted into my left hip. I declined more monitoring and everything else they offered, apart from allowing my bump to be measured, because I was mildly amused that they thought taking a measurement at this stage would be useful.
Overall this visit from the midwives was positive for me as it boosted my trust in myself and my intuition.
After they had completed their checks, I sat bouncing on my ball, and one midwife said she couldn’t believe I was sitting on the ball, holding a completely coherent conversation and advocating for myself whilst almost completely dilated. I thanked them, told them I felt empowered to continue alone as the baby was fine, and asked them to leave. They did.
Overall this visit from the midwives was positive for me as it boosted my trust in myself and my intuition. They confirmed everything I felt. Newly energised, Sophia and I did some more gentle biomechanical stuff to try and encourage baby out of my hip. I’d gone to the depths of my soul, emotionally released multiple times, physically released with vomit. I felt like his position was the only thing preventing him from coming, and at this point, although I was feeling level-headed, I was tired!
RIDING THE WAVES… AGAIN
Within a few hours of the midwives leaving, the surges slowly started to pick up again. Lizzie came back for support, and I moved back to the spare bedroom, able to chat between surges until about 11am when I needed to lean over the bed and commence roaring.
At about 11.15, my waters went with a gush, Hollywood style, completely clear of meconium. Sophia seemed pretty elated, and I remember her looking at my crystal clear waters and saying, ‘No distressed baby here!’ It felt like a massive milestone. I felt excited that something new was happening, and then my surges completely stopped. All I could do was laugh. Lizzie had to leave again, and I tried to keep my oxytocin flowing. I danced, rocked, expressed colostrum, bounced on my ball, and listened to music. Nothing much happened. It didn’t seem like surges were going to return anytime soon. Once again, my womb felt like she was asking for rest. I felt a mixture of amusement and exhaustion, but I knew baby was fine as he was still doing his usual river dance.
SPIRIT GUIDES
During the next few hours, nothing really changed. We spent some time pulling cards from my animal spirit cards, one each for Sophia, Ronan, and me. We couldn’t quite believe how perfect for each of us the cards were. Sophia pulled the Elk, which read about providing ‘underlying support and stability.’ I pulled the Frog, which read about clearing, healing, and using water to release! Ronan’s card was the Lamb, which read:
“The lamb is the bearer of an important message…Lamb energy is the honest guidance you hear from an old friend, a young child, or sometimes a surprising stranger. Though the lamb’s message may channel through another person, the wisdom resonates within you. It will repeat and reverberate until you listen. Approach this gentle creature with utmost patience and reverence”…
Lizzie came back around 3pm. She pulled a spirit card too, and pulled the Crow, “spiritually strong and watchful.” At 4.30, Sophia left to refuel, and shortly after that, Lizzie left again. I got some sleep by myself as I had a feeling I’d be in for an intense night once my womb had recharged.
A SLIDING DOORS MOMENT
While I was asleep, the midwife that had performed the VE early this morning called Sophia. Sophia told them baby wasn’t here yet but that my waters had broken. Despite our calmness and the fact my waters had only broken a few hours ago, they immediately began to ‘voice concern’ about malposition, risk of haemorrhage due to length of labour, tired womb, etc. When Sophia told me all this, I was really cross, firstly because they called in the first place when I had specifically asked to have no more engagement from them, and secondly because they called Sophia, not me. But what made me most angry was that the midwife said Sophia would be liable if anything happened. Of course, Sophia and I knew this was totally untrue and unfair.
I reassured her that while a freebirth is what I want, I wouldn’t be putting myself or my baby at risk. If there was any sign of distress at this stage, I’d call for midwife support.
I felt very happy to continue on and like things would be ok. My waters had broken, and my womb needed another break before the final push. I felt really unhappy that the midwife was involved. No matter how much you prepare for their fear and coercion, it’s so difficult to hold your ground once a concern has been voiced. All I wanted to do was focus inwards and stay tuned into my intuition. I now felt forced to sense check all of their fears, go over the evidence, and return to a place I felt I could trust myself because the midwives clearly didn’t trust me. I felt like my bubble had burst a bit. Not because I believed what they said but because I felt I had to be in fight mode rather than in a place of surrender.
MANAGING THE EXHAUSTION
At 8pm, Sophia came back to talk to me. She was honest that she was running empty from 4 nights of very little sleep. Her little girl had been upset that she was leaving again, for the 5th night in a row, and understandably pretty upset from the call with the midwife. She’d been a total rock to me over the previous days. At this moment, her humanness was really appreciated as she let her tears of exhaustion come.
I reassured Sophia that the decision to freebirth was mine. I acknowledged that without a partner, this is a lot for one person to support and said I wanted her to go home and sleep. Sophia was concerned about leaving me alone, and I reassured her that while a freebirth is what I want, I wouldn’t be putting myself or my baby at risk. If there was any sign of distress at this stage, I’d call for midwife support. I promised that if baby came while she slept, I’d call midwives to oversee my 3rd stage in case of bleeding, and I reassured her that I was still here, not because I was stubborn but because I genuinely felt baby would come at home eventually and safely and that medical intervention would get in the way of that.
I also suggested that I try and find some support for her/a second doula in case this went on for much longer, as I didn’t expect her to continue to be my only consistent support anymore. Sophia left feeling much lighter to get some sleep and asked me to call her back if things ramped up.
SEEKING ADDITIONAL SUPPORT
When Sophia left, I decided to try to get an emergency call with Sam Gadsden. I felt frustrated by the midwives and needed a fresh perspective and encouragement that I was making sensible decisions after such a long week. I also knew that if Sophia was going to tap out, it was Sam I wanted as my second.
She told me to have a low threshold for bleeding but encouraged me in my choice to continue to freebirth.
Thankfully, Sam was home and agreed to have a Zoom with me, and she was amazing! I’d been posting on the freebirth group intermittently. Sam said she expected me to be on my knees and was fully prepared that she might need to encourage me to seek intervention, but that upon speaking with me, it was clear I had loads of fire left in me and that I didn’t look like someone who’d been in labour for 5 days. Sam validated everything Sophia, and I knew about how unfair the midwives’ call to Sophia was and my choice to stay home without midwives present. She told me to have a low threshold for bleeding but encouraged me in my choice to continue to freebirth, providing some helpful suggestions.
While talking to Sam, I was standing, rocking my hips from side to side, and began to feel the need to focus on my breathing as surges returned. Speaking with her put me back in my power and helped me to relax. Sam said she’d be able to tap in for Sophia tomorrow if needed, though I think we both knew it wouldn’t be, and she sent me on my way to continue.
REGAINING MY POWER
It was now about 10pm, and the next two hours were amazing. I remember somehow forcing a banana down and feeding the dog. Then I danced, swayed, breathed through surges, and felt baby dead central, moving lower. I hung off the banisters in the hallway to support my weight, knowing that today was the day he would be here. Hanging off the banisters made things very intense. I was finding it difficult to focus on my breath, so I called Sophia, and she said she was on her way.
SUNDAY: THE DAY HE WAS FINALLY BORN
Sophia arrived shortly after midnight to find me folded over the sofa in the living room, mooing through surges, and instantly got about supporting me, reminding me of my breathing. I became really hot and was very uncomfortable & no longer felt relief from lying down; this made things feel much more intense. I asked Sophia to run a bath and remember feeling I probably wouldn’t make it upstairs, but somehow I did! For the first time, the bath didn’t give me any relief. I couldn’t lie back, so I was on my knees in the water. Sophia pointed out that my bladder looked very full again, and I realised I’d not needed to wee or been for a wee in several hours.
Once I became aware of how full my bladder was, it felt like the baby’s head was hitting it with every surge, and this was why I was so uncomfortable. I tried so hard to empty it in the bath and toilet. Sophia suggested we call midwives to empty it if I couldn’t. I protested, but she reminded me that I had promised I wouldn’t put myself or my baby in harm’s way and that continuing to labour and drink with such a full bladder could cause damage to my bladder (she was right, it’s not the same!).
Reluctantly, after a long time trying to empty it and discussions with Sophia, I agreed that it would be sensible to ask the midwives to come back to empty my bladder. Far from a serene scene with me breathing through the now very intense surges, I was pretty distressed at this stage and really wanted the help to wee!
EMPTYING MY BLADDER
Two midwives arrived at 3am, and the first midwife came to see me in the bath after reading my birth plan. I reiterated that I only wanted my bladder emptied, nothing else. I just needed relief from the now excruciating bladder pain.
Somehow I made it to my bed. The midwife used an in-out catheter and relieved my bladder of a lot of wee! I instantly felt more comfortable, got back in the bath, and breathed. Now I could lie back and really wanted to just get back in the zone and allow the opportunity for oxytocin to flow again.
I had decided over the past 24 hours that I might call midwives when Ronan arrived to do the paperwork + monitor my bleeding etc. I thought he would be here soon, so I agreed that they could stay away from me/in another room unless I asked for them.
PUSHING BOUNDARIES
The midwives kept calling Sophia out of the bathroom for various concerns and requests that seemed to be coming from the hospital. They were obviously getting pressure from a consultant as despite the boundary I’d set, one of them came into the bathroom and offered me a conversation with a Dr, to which I made my annoyance clear and told her to go away. I felt I was being treated like there was a lot of concern for the baby and had to dig my heels in that I was tuned into him. I knew he was ok and I didn’t need to speak to anyone. Sophia had to be quite firm with them that if they didn’t stop asking things of me, I’d likely send them away, which seemed to work as they went quiet.
I hadn’t come this far to risk strangers’ hands pulling him from me.
FIGHTING SLEEP
Being in the bath brought so much relief, but surges had become like gentle waves. My womb felt so tired again, and I became aware that I was drifting in and out of sleep. Sophia was slumped over the edge of the bath with her eyes closed too. It was a nice moment of team calm, but I remember thinking, “If these surges don’t pick up again with so much external fear surrounding this birth now (from the NHS), I’ll end up being heavily pushed into intervention and really having to fight.” This thought gave me a kick. I hadn’t come this far to risk strangers’ hands pulling him from me, and I remember focusing on how much I wanted my hands to be the first to hold him.
As tempting as it was to sleep, I didn’t feel it was safe to do so anymore, so I asked Sophia to please get my eye mask and put drum and bass on downstairs, loudly! My plan was to tune into some music that would energise me and block out the rest of the world, and this is what I did.
A CHANGE OF SCENERY
10 minutes later, I was hanging from my banisters again, drum and bass blaring with my eye mask on. Surges were picking up again, and I could hear Sophia in my ear saying, ‘Yes, Kirsty’! It was finally happening; he was moving down!
Looking back now, what happened next was obviously just my body transitioning. I felt an overwhelming need to be on my knees and suddenly felt like Ronan was between my legs. I also suddenly felt a pretty overwhelming need to know Ronan was ok. For the first time during labour I felt worried. I crawled to the living room and grabbed a hand Doppler I’d been gifted, but never used, and tried to listen in.
HEARING RONAN’S HEARTBEAT
Sophia suggested that since they were here and I wanted to hear him, I let the midwives do this instead so I could focus on my breath. I agreed, and she went to relay my request. The midwives were in the room from this point, but their presence is and was a total blur. I remember pushing Midwife One’s hand and doppler away the second I’d heard a few seconds of his heart. He was fine. I shouted at her twice more. Once to please stop telling me to push, as per my birth plan, especially when I wasn’t having contractions. Then again when she started laying out towels and gloves. My birth plan clearly said no to these things. I remember looking up and seeing the gloves and saying something like, ‘Don’t touch my baby; I’ll catch him myself,’ to which she cleared away the offending items!
I wished the midwives weren’t there but didn’t have the presence to remember that I could ask them to leave the room again.
After I heard Ronan’s heartbeat, I ‘pushed’ to the background drum and bass for another two hours or so. I felt most productive in a squat on my rug, back against my sofa. I remember I couldn’t feel any pain; everything felt numb. It felt like my womb was almost asleep, and my roars were what was pushing him down and keeping my her awake.
WELCOMING MY BABY EARTHSIDE
I couldn’t hold my body up easily anymore; my legs had fallen asleep. Sophia held my weight from behind so I could focus. The midwives told me they could see the top of his head. It felt like it took ages to keep it from disappearing back up after each surge. My feet were numb from being in a squat. I moved to lie on my side on the floor, but here surges instantly began to slow down. My womb had had enough and was taking me moving as a signal to stop and rest. I knew that I would have to get back up and keep roaring to keep her awake!
I heaved myself back into a squat, Sophia holding me up from behind again and roared, and roared. It was working, the midwives told me he was coming, but I knew. I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to be naked and ripped off my top. They told me his head was out, and then turning. Then with the rest of his head all in the same almighty moan, I felt the weight of his body leave me as it flopped out onto the rug.
He screamed his bright pink head off before my hands scooped him up to my face. Sophia and the midwives hugged. Sophia cried tears of delirious joy as I sang to my son the song I’d sung to him every day for the last 9 months without realising I was doing so.
FEELING HELD
At my request, the midwives immediately left the room and recorded an Apgar score of 10 at birth. Despite the NHS’s mistrust of my intuition and ability to feel my baby, he was fine, as expected.
I settled back onto the sofa with him, where we enjoyed 7 hours of uninterrupted skin-to-skin. Thanks to Sophia keeping the midwives out, I established breastfeeding, and enjoyed quiet visits from Lizzie and Alix Thorpe (doula). Alix had offered support to Sophia and me during labour. She agreed to be here with Sophia during the 3rd stage. Alix bought her baby boy, tea and tincture to help release my placenta. She supported Sophia in holding a calm and sacred space for me.
It felt incredibly special to sit in peace, 3 mothers drinking tea and soaking in oxytocin.
Ronan was weighed about 24 hours later. He was 9lb 2 then, so I assume he was bigger at birth. From the start, he was bright-eyed, strong and engaged. We are 7 months into our life on the outside together. I feel proud every day of the fight I endured to bring him earthside at home.
Especially for first-time mums, having a freebirth or a homebirth feels like a constant battle against the system’s deep mistrust of variations of normal in pregnancy, physiological birth, and lack of ability to make birthing women the highest authority in their labours.
ON REFLECTION
Ronan’s birth was not how I imagined it. Without Sophia’s support to prepare and the support of her and the other wonderful Doulas that rallied around us to get us to the end, it could have gone very differently. It tested every aspect of my being and called for so much surrender in preparation and practice, which I now realise was the perfect initiation to motherhood.”
If you would like support navigating the system or would like support during your wild pregnancy or freebirth, tap here to book a call with me.
Originally, Jade planned to head to the birth centre to have her baby, but after putting the time into learning about the birthing process and talking it out with her partner, they chose their home as their safe space to bring their baby boy into the world. Below, Jade tells the story of her wonderful home birth.
“Throughout my due time, I spent my days waiting and wondering when my baby boy was going to join me earth-side. As much as I tried to stay positive & be patient, I was so uncomfortable. I knew that as soon as I reached 42 weeks I’d be pressured for an induction & I feared my choice to birth at home would be threatened.
HOW IT STARTED
I’d been experiencing a dull, period-like ache on and off for about week, particularly at night. On the 30th September 2021, 13 days ‘overdue’ at 6am, I felt my first surge. I felt so excited and kept repeating to myself “I am going to meet my baby today!” My surges were sporadic & lasting around a minute. I was adamant I was getting this baby out today, so went downstairs to bounce on my birth ball.
I had a routine midwife appointment booked at 11am, but wasn’t sure whether to attend as I was pretty certain labour had begun, albeit slowly. We spoke to the midwife who explained it would be beneficial to go in so that they could check my blood pressure etc. My partner drove me to the midwife hub. During our time there my surges died down and I felt as though things had stalled. I’d done lots of preparation with my doula during pregnancy around the physiology of birth and the birth space; this made me realise, first-hand, that your environment and comfort play such a huge role in labour progressing.
CALLING IN MY BIRTH TEAM
When we got back home around 12pm my surges came on thick and fast. I started timing them at this point and they were between 3-5 minutes apart, some lasting up to a minute & a half. I called my sister & doula, Sophia. She said she’d be with me within the hour. When she arrived we spoke to the community midwife team. We thought it was best to give them plenty of notice that my labour had begun, as I had received a couple of calls during that week warning me of staffing issues. I did not want lack of staff to be a reason for transfer. The midwives said they would be with us at 5pm. I moved from the ball & spent the next couple of hours knelt over the back of my sofa. My partner fed me coconut water and rubbed my feet, Sophia set up the birth pool and got the birth space ready. My mum arrived shortly after this.
I got into the pool around 5pm, before the midwives arrived about an hour later. I was using my breath to stay focused as I wasn’t getting much of a break between surges. Sophia saw the midwives into the kitchen and asked them to read my birth preferences. They asked me if I was happy to be examined and have all the routine checks. Sophia reassured me that I didn’t have to consent to getting out of the pool for this, but I felt happy for them to check everything was progressing as it should be. I struggled with getting out of the pool, but being monitored re-assured me all was okay. I was back in the pool in no time. The midwives then proceeded to sit in the next room to leave me and my birth partners alone.
PROGRESSION
The night started to draw in, the surges were getting more and more intense. An hour after the midwives arrived I asked for gas & air. After a few minutes I realised it wasn’t working for me; it was effecting the rhythm of my breathing, so I continued without it.
At this point I was completely in my zone. I trusted that things were progressing as they should and really felt that I didn’t have long left. I kept repeating positive affirmations in my head.
SECOND STAGE
At around 11.30pm I started getting the urge to push at the end of each surge. My birth partners offered gas & air again, I accepted. I managed to get into a flow with it this time as it helped ease the sensation of each surge. I was able to relax in between. After about an hour, I noticed I was passing large blood clots. The midwife reassured me that I needn’t worry. She offered to assess me again and explained that pushing before I was fully dilated could cause my cervix to tear. I was happy to be assessed, for piece of mind, so consented to another examination. This meant getting out of the pool again – it was even harder this time! I felt weak and I didn’t want to leave the water.
My midwife confirmed all was well – I was fully dilated! I returned to the water & continued to push with each surge. Another hour passed and I started getting impatient and tired. As I placed my hand under the water and into my vagina to feel for progress, I felt a small, soft bubble. I was certain this couldn’t be my baby’s head because it felt too soft! The midwives reassured me it was. Knowing that he was so close to entering the world, gave me so much motivation to go on.
In amazement, I shouted “the head’s out, the heads out”! I leant back slightly, as his entire body was born..
Another half an hour passed. I was feeling a lot of pressure in my bum and after what felt like a long second stage, I was feeling exhausted and frustrated. My partner, Sophia & my mum were all so supportive, encouraging me to keep hold of my positive mindset. At 1.58am, with one giant push, my baby’s head was born. In amazement, I shouted “the head’s out, the heads out”! I leant back slightly, as his entire body was born so quickly. Nobody realised he was in the pool with me!
A GENTLE TRANSITION
I reached down below me to catch my baby and just held him there under the water for a moment. Stillness after the hardest thing I had ever done. We all stared at him, in awe. I felt a rush of relief and shock through my body as I gently lifted him from the water and onto my chest. It was an amazingly, slow transition for him, just as I’d wanted. He didn’t scream, he cooed and nestled into my chest. It was magical.
OUR GOLDEN HOUR
I leaned back against the side of the pool. I wanted an undisturbed third stage, so left him attached to his placenta, which I had not yet birthed. The pool was full of blood so the midwives asked me if I was ok to get out of the pool to birth the placenta, as it is easier for them to monitor blood loss. I didn’t mind moving, as long as the cord remained in-tact. My birth team helped me get up; climb out and sit semi-reclined on the sofa with my baby still attached to me. As I sat there, Sophia and the midwives told me they could see the placenta sitting just inside my vaginal opening. With one push I birthed it, with ease, into a bowl. An unplanned lotus birth! So amazing and so quickly after I had birthed my baby. I felt relieved that it was over and that the surges would now die down. I just laid there holding my gorgeous, healthy baby boy in my arms.
The midwives left us alone to enjoy the rest of our golden hour. Sophia supported me in getting baby onto my breast. Shortly after, my partner cut the cord and had his first cuddle. I was amazed to hear my perineum was in tact, but due to a very slight tear on my labia I had a couple of stitches.
It was such an amazing experience.
Sophia made me a bagel and a nice cup of tea. I felt weak but was buzzing with adrenaline. My mum helped me into the shower and then they both got me into bed. My partner brought up our brand new baby boy and got into bed. It was such an amazing experience. I feel so grateful that everything was well and I had the home birth I wanted! I couldn’t have done it without my amazing birth team.
WORKING WITH A DOULA
Sophia worked with me through my pregnancy to prepare me for birth, teaching me things that I would never have known, making me feel comfortable and informed about my choice to birth at home. She supported me during my birth and has been my absolute rock through my postpartum period. I am in awe of her passion towards her work and I know that my birth would have gone very differently without her by my side every step of the way. I would highly recommend to everyone to hire a doula, they are invaluable. It is so important to have that extra layer of support at such a vulnerable time.”
Do you have a positive birth experience you’d like to share?
If so, please email me at info@theintuitivedoula.co.uk
Just as with my first pregnancy, my ‘guess date’ came and went. I’d anticipated this, as I knew only 5% of babies come on their due dates. At my 40 week appointment on 1st March 2017, my midwife booked me in for an induction at 41+3, with little discussion. Her reason for this was that “it gets booked up quick”, so better book me a slot. I was furious with how blasé she was. It wasn’t offered to me like I had a choice, nor were the benefits or, more importantly, risks explained. I made it clear I would not be entering into discussion before 42+ weeks as I did not want to be induced.
At that same appointment I was told my baby was head down and partly engaged, which made the induction date seem even more unnecessary. I went home feeling frustrated. The induction date hung over my head for days. I trusted my body, but wasn’t getting any niggles or signs of labour yet. I was dreading the prospect of my labour being interfered with.
We walked a lot over those next few days! I was dragging Jack (my partner) & Elba (my eldest daughter who was just over 2.5 years at the time) out for walks everyday and bouncing on my birth ball at every opportunity.
I toyed with the idea of a home birth during my pregnancy, but we opted for another hospital birth this time because I really felt I had such a positive experience the first time; I’d felt safe and things had gone exactly how I’d wanted. Naively, I thought that by keeping the hospital as my choice of place to give birth, I’d be able to have a similar experience. Of course, no two births are the same!
GOING INTO LABOUR
On Sunday 5th March (40+4) I had a familiar, dull period-like pain coming and going all day. During the night, the sensations were coming more frequently and I was sure something was beginning to happen. I took myself to bed to get some rest, assuming I’d be woken by labour at some point during the night. I was disappointed when I woke up in the morning to nothing! Everything seemed to have completely stopped, other than what I thought was my waters slowly trickling. I popped a pad in and went about my day.
We chose not to contact the hospital at this stage, as I didn’t want them to start clock watching or be given a time limit for my birth to happen spontaneously.
We chose not to contact the hospital at this stage, as I didn’t want them to start clock watching.
I walked with a friend that lunchtime. My waters were still very lightly trickling and I was feeling a lot of pressure in between my legs. I trusted that something was happening, but carried on as normal.
Once I returned home, at about 3.30pm, the tightenings and period-like pains returned. I decided to speak to a midwife. My mum drove down to be with Elba and we went in to be assessed at 5.30pm. At this point I was experiencing irregular surges.
BEING ASSESSED
As I arrived at the hospital my waters gushed. It was such an odd feeling and so unfamiliar. During my first labour my waters didn’t break until the last moment and I was already in the pool.
I was seen by a student midwife at around 6pm. She listened-in using a hand held doppler and felt my tummy to gauge the position of baby. I was grateful that she said she wouldn’t be offering a vaginal examination now my waters had released, as this would increase the risk of infection. This isn’t something I would have accepted anyway, as I didn’t feel it was necessary and knew a VE could stall things at this stage.
She then told me I wasn’t in established labour because my contractions weren’t regular enough yet; to go home, take a bath and have something to eat. Then, of course, told me I’d have to come back in the morning for an induction if nothing had progressed further by then. Again, this wasn’t portrayed as though I has any choice in the matter. I was adamant my baby would be here before the following morning!
ARRIVING HOME
As we left my surges were so strong. By the time we reached the car park they felt quite close together. We weren’t timing them, but I was having to stop and really focus to breathe through them. We followed her advice and headed home anyway (in hindsight, perhaps we shouldn’t have, but I like to think our baby led us home as that is where she wanted to be born).
The journey home was pretty horrendous. Labour came out of nowhere and every bump in the road exacerbated each contraction. We arrived home at 7pm. I was so relieved!
My mum was in shock to see us home. She’d made some dinner, but I couldn’t stomach anything to eat. I stood in our front room, bent over the table, breathing through regular, strong surges. Mum suggested taking off my leggings and shoes, and getting a little more comfortable. I was convinced I’d be going back to hospital soon, so just took off my shoes and stayed fulled clothed.
I stood in our front room, bent over the table, breathing through regular, strong surges.
As my contractions were getting stronger and closer together, I suddenly felt so disheartened. I felt I was not coping with my surges as well as my first labour. Little did I know how close I was to having my baby! Elba was sitting on the sofa just opposite from me at this point. I asked my mum to take her up to bed.
Jack spoke to the hospital again just after 7.30pm. We explained how my labour had progressed substantially since leaving the hospital. They kept firing questions at Jack, who was repeating them to me. It was getting harder and harder to converse and answer him. I had zoned in; focusing on my body, my breath, flowing and moving intuitively. They asked Jack if we wanted an ambulance sent out or if we could make the 25 minute journey back to the hospital in the car. I just looked at him. I think my eyes said it all. At this point I had no idea how close together my contractions actually were, I just knew there was no way we were getting back to the hospital in time for our baby’s arrival.
BABY’S ARRIVAL
I felt calm. I had accepted that we were doing this at home, just us. Whilst mum took Elba to bed, Jack and I stood in the lounge swaying together. He took my weight as I hung from his shoulders. I felt the roar in my throat and the urge to bear down. When my mum returned I told her I felt like I needed a poo, so she helped me into the downstairs toilet. As I pulled down my leggings, the pad I had placed in my pants to catch my waters had a little blood on it. The sight of blood made me feel uneasy. Mum asked Jack to grab some towels from the airing cupboard. I went to the toilet and we laughed as she wiped my bum for the first time since I was a toddler! It still makes me crease just thinking about it.
A second later I felt my baby crowning.
I felt the roar in my throat and the urge to bear down.
I said “mum, I can feel the head… the head’s there”.
She said “let me check”.
I said “No need.. I can feel it!”, as I reached in-between my legs and cupped my hand over the top of the head. A feeling I will never forget. In fact, sometimes now when I place my hand on the top of her head, it takes me back to that moment and I can physically feel how much she has grown.
I genuinely don’t feel I had to actively push at this stage. My body took over and with my next surge, I experienced the fetal ejection reflex and my baby’s head was born. The rest of her followed very quickly with the next surge. She arrived earth-side at 8.05pm (an hour after arriving home from the hospital). Jack and my mum held the corners of a towel and created a hammock underneath me, catching her as she arrived.
IN A TANGLE
As I stepped forward, mum wrapped the towel around her. We didn’t know what sex our baby was, but I didn’t even think about checking to find out. I just instantly felt I wanted her skin on mine, but the umbilical cord was trailing between my legs to where she was behind me. I still had my leggings around my ankles so I had to untangle myself! Mum was right… maybe I should have taken them off!
I stripped off my clothes and mum passed her to me through my legs. I brought her up to my chest… and then she cried. What an amazing sound to know that she was ok. Jack and my mum wrapped us both in towels as I sat and cuddled her. I beamed as I realised I had another beautiful daughter.
THE THIRD STAGE
I sat naked, holding my little Wren for half an hour before the paramedics arrived. They checked us both over and allowed us to wait another half an hour for the placenta to be born. I was eager to get her straight on my breast to encourage a physiological third stage, but in all honesty, was less informed about how else to support it.
I feel I could have been withholding this belief that my body was unable to birth my placenta naturally.
She took a couple of minutes to latch on. Perhaps she was a little shocked after her speedy arrival! I had been disappointed not to achieve a physiological third stage after my first birth and perhaps should have done some more work around this before my second birth. I feel I could have been withholding this belief that my body was unable to birth my placenta naturally. My grandmother had previously told me stories of her retained placenta and said “we just can’t birth our placentas naturally”. This, combined with the adrenaline from my quick, unexpected, unassisted home birth, may be the reason I had to transfer for an actively managed third stage.
An hour passed, Jack clamped and cut the cord (about 90 minutes after Wren was born) – it was completely white! They then helped me into the ambulance. By this stage I just wanted to get cleaned up and my bum was numb from sitting on the floor! Wren laid on my chest for the duration of the journey to hospital with her eyes wide, staring into mine. I was experiencing regular surges on the way to the hospital, and on reflection, I feel that if we’d waited a little while longer and protected this time, my placenta would have eventually been born at home.
My birth didn’t go how I thought it was going to, but it was the most empowering experience of my life. To birth unassisted, calmly and in control, feels incredible! In hind sight, I should have given more thought into preparing and planning a home birth, but I am grateful I had a completely undisturbed birth (with the exception of a short trip to triage in the earlier stages) and it was very telling for how in times like that, instinct takes over.
Do you have a positive birth experience that you would like to share?
There are many benefits to birthing at home, but it is still often seen as a controversial choice.
Despite many believing it’s the more risky choice, birthing at home completely supports the physiology of birth. Those that choose to birth at home have a much higher chance of achieving a natural, physiological birth with much less chance of medical intervention. According to a systematic review and meta-analyses by The Lancet (2018) the outcomes for babies being birthed at home (by those who intended to birth at home) showed no difference to those birthed in a hospital setting and for the mother, the outcomes were improved in a home birth setting.
It is apparent that intervention in birth leads to more intervention, and you could say that the transfer from your home into the hospital is the first intervention for most birthing people. To leave your home, a place where you are familiar, safe and unobserved, to enter into a bright, sterile hospital surrounded by strangers is disturbing the process, no matter how smooth the transition goes.
BENEFITS OF A HOME BIRTH
You have the undivided attention of your community/independent midwife as unlike in a birth centre or labour ward, you are the only birthing person around.
Partners can become more involved; being at home gives you the opportunity to be more intimate (which supports the physiology of birth) as your home enables you to have more privacy.
Should you choose to, you are free to have siblings assist your birth.
You have the freedom to move about your home, exploring different rooms, finding comfort on the bed, in the bath, in a pool, etc. Being in your own home means you have the freedom to alter the birthing space, creating the perfect environment to support a physiological birth.
You are at much less risk of infection as your body has already built up a tolerance to the bacteria in your home, creating antibodies to protect you and your baby.
You’re free to eat and drink whatever and whenever you choose during and immediately after labour.
You have choice who you welcome into your birthing space. In the hospital, people (health professionals, hospital staff) are free to come in and out without warning, interrupting the natural flow of labour.
It is much less stressful than the logistics of travelling to hospital, worrying about traffic, sorting parking, finding the labour ward, waiting around in Triage, being told you “aren’t far enough along” only to be sent home to do it all over again in a couple of hours. Of course this isn’t the case for everyone that goes to hospital to birth their baby, but it is very common.
PLANNING YOUR HOME BIRTH
PREPARING THE PERFECT SPACE
There are a few simple things you can do to support and protect your hormones during labour, to ensure your labour progresses as it should.
Oxytocin (the love hormone) is what makes your uterus contract. When oxytocin is released in abundance, you will experience longer, stronger and more effective surges. It is important to protect the environment in which you are birthing because oxytocin is a shy hormone. If at any point you do not feel safe, protected, undisturbed or unobserved, your oxytocin production can be effected and in-turn, your body will produce heightened levels of adrenaline, causing labour to stall. This is our bodies way of protecting us from harm whilst birthing our babies.
Things to consider when preparing your birthing space:
Lighting – Low lighting encourages privacy, encouraging you to feel safe and unobserved.
Temperature – Warmth supports the production of oxytocin.
Smell – Scented candles/essential oils in a diffuser can enhance a feeling of calm.
Music – What sounds help you to relax?
Water – Being immersed in water can calm us. Perhaps the use of a pool or bath.
Who are you welcoming into your space? Do they bring the right energy?
RELIEF & RELAXATION
Below I have created a list of comfort measures to support you during your home birth. These are not all essential but will help you to cope with the process of labour:
Hot water bottle for early labour
TENS machine
Positive Affirmations to stick around your birthing space
Create a playlist that will help you feel calm and focused
Candles or fairy lights
Food & drinks prepared ready when you need
Birth ball to keep active and help labour progress
Essential oils to use in a diffuser, in the bath or in a massage oil
Other complementary therapies; herbal/homeopathic remedies
Flannel or ice pack
Birth pool and accessories
Lip balm
PRACTICAL THINGS FOR YOUR HOME BIRTH
Once again, these aren’t essentials just practical tools to assist your labour.
Plastic sheeting to protect floors, sofa and beds
Soft coverings such as old sheets or towels
Extra old towels
Bin bags for rubbish and washing
Flannels and hair ties
Container (bowl or bucket) in case you are sick
A straw for your drink
Food/drinks for partner/midwives/doula
Camera
Maternity notes and birth plan to hand to midwife upon arrival
Packed Birth Bag – in case you need to transfer
POST-BIRTH NEEDS
Consider things that you may need as soon as baby arrives.
Blanket for you and baby
Post-birth food and drink to restore energy levels
A change of clothes ready to put on after a bath/shower
Clothing for baby
Nappies
Cotton wool
Maternity pads
Large comfortable underwear
In the UK home birth is an option for all, including those with more complex pregnancies. It is important that you choose to birth where you feel safe and you can make that choice by researching and informing yourself, basing your decision on facts.
Are you planning a home birth? If there is anything else you’d like to know, if so please feel free to leave me a comment below.
Amy is a first time mum who had an undisturbed water birth at home at 37 weeks. Her experience was calm and positive. Read her story below.
By sharing positive birth experiences written by real women, we can empower.
“As a first time Mum I was expecting to have my baby sometime around 41 weeks. I had my home birth all planned and had just tested the pool out and got the right adaptors for the taps. A few days later when I was exactly 37 weeks pregnant (to the day) I had quite a lot of energy and was going about my business as usual. I cleaned the house, popped to shops and went on a long walk with my dog. After walking up a big hill I felt an ache in the side of my belly. It didn’t even cross my mind that this would be anything to do with labour I just thought it was a weird pregnancy pain. This ache continued until I was home so I had a nap for a few hours and by the time I woke up, the ache had gone so I carried on as normal.
At around 7pm I sat my big old pregnant bum on my husband’s knee and gave him a squeeze. When I got up to walk to the kitchen I felt something run down my leg…”hmmm I don’t think I weed myself” I thought, before realising that this was probably my waters breaking. We called the midwife who asked us to monitor the situation and call her back in the morning. I had some dinner, had a shower and washed my hair.
A bit after that I lost my mucus plug (promptly took a photo of it which I still look at to this day) and started to think things might be kicking off a bit quicker than expected. At around 9pm I started getting quite intense surges and was just sitting upstairs on my yoga ball thinking I would have to deliver my baby myself…we called again and our lovely midwife said she would be on her way. She got stuck in traffic so I had a slightly worrying few hours breathing through my surges upstairs while my husband inflated the pool and got my birthing cave ready.
“I had so much respect for my body and what it could do, without my conscious mind getting involved.”
When she finally arrived I had been having intense surges pretty close together, for a while (I didn’t time anything so I don’t have the details) I was surprised how much I felt it in my thighs, something I wasn’t particularly expecting. I had no vaginal examinations as I had requested and everything seemed to be moving very quickly. I had all these lovely active birth movements ready in my mind but in reality all I wanted to do was sit cross legged and bolt upright on my bed. My midwife just sat in my room and chatted to me in between surges. It was immensely comforting and reassuring.
I think it was around 2am I shuffled down the stairs and hefted myself into the birthing pool. I think at this point I was in transition and having really intense surges, pretty much back to back. My midwife gently suggested that I try turning around and kneeling up leaning my arms over the side of the pool, which I did, and things seemed to kick up another notch. I decided that although it was even more intense in this position I would stick it out as it would probably be over quicker! Then I did the typical thing of thinking I needed the loo, hefting myself out of the pool and padding my wet feet to the toilet and realising I didn’t need to go after all! I got back in the pool and back into that same position leaning over the side and my body just started to push. This wasn’t a voluntary thing at all, my body just did it for me which felt totally bizarre but a relief from the back to back surges. I am not sure how long the pushing lasted for, my husband says it was 45 mins to an hour (if you asked me I would say it could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours, I have no idea). For a while my son kept edging down the birth canal and then what felt like him shooting back up again (this was alarming to me as I had not been warned it might happen) but around 4.30 am all 7lbs of our beautiful little guy eventually emerged, and was in my arms within seconds.
I actually found the second stage easier than the first as it felt really productive and my mind was totally overridden by my body’s natural instincts, meaning I wasn’t completely aware of what was going on. I just went with it. Yes it was incredibly intense, yes it was incredibly challenging, but I would not have wished it any other way. I had so much respect for my body and what it could do, without my conscious mind getting involved. I had a physiological delivery of my placenta and then after examination my midwife realised I had a small tear and so she stitched me up on the sofa, using the torch on her phone to keep the cosy atmosphere.
An hour or so after giving birth little baby Noah managed to latch on nicely and the three of us snuggled in bed, in disbelief that this had all happened so quickly! I believe that in addition to a certain amount of genetic luck, the preparation I did previous to my birth (pregnancy yoga, hypnobirthing, reading and watching positive birth videos) as well as my decision to have a home birth all strongly contributed to my straightforward and quick labour. Thanks to this I decided to retrain as a pregnancy yoga & hypnobirthing practitioner so I could help other people have a similar experience.
Women’s bodies are incredible.”
If you had a positive birth experience that you would like to share, I’d love to hear from you. Please send your story and any pictures you’d like to include to info@theintuitivedoula.co.uk.
