THE BIRTH

In the end I gave birth at 41+6 NHS dates / 41+2 my dates - and the wait was a lot harder than I thought it would be, even though I told myself often that baby would come when they were ready and I was under no impression that she would have come earlier than her guess date - it still felt like time was moving slowly and I definitely said to Davey on more than one occasion ‘maybe the baby will just never come’. 

Over the last couple of weeks I’d had some occasional cramping, like period cramps. I had been getting some show for the last couple of days. 

On the Sunday it was a bit cooler, and I decided it would be a nice activity to paint the shed at the allotment. Our niece and nephew came to visit too which was great and generally we had a really lovely day - boosting oxytocin. At about 4.30pm I started to feel like my back was hurting - probably because I was painting a shed at nearly 42 weeks pregnant - but I was determined to finish it. 

We got home about 6pm and I had a bath straight away, partly because my back was hurting and I was tired from ‘over doing it’. Davey made us dinner. After dinner I started to feel like my back pain was actually coming in waves with peaks - I hadn’t considered it as anything to do with contractions until this point because it was all in my back and I’d been expecting contractions to be a crampy feeling across the front of my belly. At this point I messaged Sophia to say ‘do you think these sensations are noteworthy?’ I hadn’t timed anything (and didn’t the whole time) but they were really starting to intensify and at a guess I’d say they came every few minutes. Sophia suggested trying counter pressure. I found this helpful and using a hot water bottle, I started running the bath again as that felt like the best place to be. 

Reflecting back I now realise that at about 3am that morning I’d had a few of these back contractions, about one every 30 mins for a couple of hours, but hadn’t really put two and two together as, as I said before, I wasn’t expecting to feel it in my back. 

When I got back in the bath Davey started getting some of the house together - I could hear him on the roof putting black bags over the sky windows to block out the light, whilst also checking in on me. I did a pretty monumental sick, throwing up all the dinner Davey had just made. A couple of times when I needed the toilet I needed Davey to help me in & out of the bath. 

At about 10pm he rang Sophia to come over and he started getting the pool ready. Sophia was round by 11pm. ‘Oh you are filling the pool already’ Sophia asked Davey and Davey started to worry if it was too soon, but he said how I had asked him to start getting it ready for me and so she said if I want to be in the pool, I want to be in the pool. 

She came in to see me in the bath. I'd been listening to a hypnobirthing track called “oxytocin bubble” and was already pretty in my zone. At this point the surges were coming pretty frequently & were getting quite intense. They were putting pressure on my lower back to help manage them. I was already finding it pretty hard work to speak when Sophia arrived. 

At one point I heard what sounded like the hose exploding off the tap (it was) but tried to ignore it and was grateful that Davey now had Sophia there too to support him and so one of them could be preparing the pool etc and one of them could be there for me as I needed. 

I was finding the bath wasn't working for me anymore as it was too restrictive on space and lying back, whilst nice in between was not supporting my contractions which felt too frequent to keep pulling myself up for, so even though the pool wasn’t that full yet I wanted to move there. 

I can’t really remember moving over but Davey & Sophia helped me out of the bath and into the pool. Davey had made the front room all cosy and dark, with fairy lights/low lighting and some fairy lights in the pool too.  

This was around midnight. 

My memory in the pool is pretty hazy, the sensations were really intense now, and I had gone really inwards. I didn’t move much within the pool. The water was really warm which at first I loved, but started to feel pretty hot. Someone found a fan, and they were putting cold flannels on my head/shoulders. During a surge I found hard pressure on my lower back really supportive. I’d started being more vocal by this point. 

Even though I had an initial playlist and then a playlist of Tibetan music for when the labour was more intense as well as a couple of hypnobirthing tracks to alternate between I just had the same oxytocin bubble track playing throughout, or nothing on. 

I wasn't really focusing on the hypnobirthing track, but every now and then I’d tune in and hear just the right thing - I remember some key lines that were just what I needed to hear were ‘this isn’t stronger that you because it is you’ and another part talking about all the other women who had birthed before me, and who were labouring / birthing at the same time as me (I then went on to find out a friend of mine was labouring at the same time and gave birth just an hour after me which felt pretty magic). 

The other thing I kept reminding myself was ‘floppy face floppy fanny’ and was really consciously trying to relax my jaw throughout. The best way I found to do this when things really intensified was with ‘horsey lips’ as it was getting harder to do so otherwise. 

One clear memory is of me trying to bite Davey’s hand, I remember thinking, this will just be the perfect thing to sink my teeth into - squishy but firm enough. Davey said after that he thought ‘this is what Josie needs, I’ll just have to sacrifice my hand to the cause’! Luckily for both of us, Sophia must have noticed and reminded me to relax my jaw at just the right moment. 

I had made so many energy dense snacks for labour, smoothie ice lollies, coconut water ice lollies and other electrolyte ice lollies as well as stocking up on loads of coconut water. In the end I couldn’t manage anything, Davey and Sophia kept offering me drinks or snacks but I didn’t want anything. Luckily it wasn’t too long or it could have been a bit more of an issue - especially as I had thrown up all my dinner just a few hours earlier.

I was finding speaking incredibly hard at this point. At one point I asked Sophia ‘how long will it be?’ it was really intense and I just didn’t think I could go on like this much longer. I remember thinking to myself ‘I can’t do this, is this even a good idea?’ I tried to talk myself around. 

I’d been in a kind of squat leaning over the side for a long time now, and my legs were aching so much, ‘I don’t know how to be’ I said, trying to work out if I needed to move or how to change my position. I think I tried sticking out one leg to the side a little. I felt quite unsure of everything - This was my ‘transition’.

I suddenly felt this overwhelming force from within my body, pushing down. I had no control over this, but remember saying something along the lines of ‘I’m pushing but it’s too early’ to Sophia, as it all felt too quick for the baby to actually be coming out now. She reminded me to just listen to my body, and I went back ‘in’. 

From here my body just did everything - it moved me into slightly different positions as I needed, it made the noises I needed to make, it rested between surges. I could feel this incredible force pushing down from the centre of me. I could also feel my baby’s head moving down. I could feel my baby wriggling. I could feel with each surge the head getting lower but it would kind of come down and then back up a bit. Until after one big ‘inner push’ where I knew, I reached down and could feel her head, with all this hair. I couldn’t quite believe it. I still can feel that moment when I put my hand on her head now. 

"I can feel the head", I said, then I just waited until my body did it’s thing again, not long after, and out came the rest of her.

I collected her out of the water and moved back to the seat in the pool (I was so happy to sit down). With Davey & Sophia right behind me. 

I did it. We did it. 

She was here. So perfect. She was already moving, her eyes opened straight away, there were a few little noises but no big cry, I just held her to my chest in absolute love and overwhelm. I couldn’t quite believe it. 

It was 1.44am, only 8 hours ago I’d been painting the shed at the allotment. Now I had this perfect little being in my arms. Born in our lovely home with only my partner and Sophia present. I had a quick look before getting out of the pool, our little girl!! 

I had had no intention to have a free birth. I hadn’t even looked into it. Everyone I’d met from the NBT home birth team had been amazing, and really supportive of all my decisions, really positive about Sophia and I’d had no worries that they wouldn’t respect my wishes (which I would have been a lot more conscious with had I not been with that team). But in the moment the time never seemed quite right to bring them in. 

The way I was in the pool was basically looking right at the front door and I remember thinking at one point, ‘there is no possible way they can come in and not disturb our little oxytocin bubble’. 

I was confident that if I felt worried at any point we could call them / an ambulance, but I felt everything was ok the whole time, and that actually the introduction of new people into our space, with equipment etc would slow things down. I also know Davey and Sophia trusted this too.

Davey & Sophia helped me out of the pool and over to the sofa, where me and Davey sat in awe. Sophia rang the midwives to let them know. At this point we found out the home birth team was at another birth that evening so wouldn’t have made it - this confirmed that I’d made the right decision not to call them sooner as the apprehension of who it could be if not from that team would have likely added stress & slowed things down for me. The midwives asked what we would like from them, and when we wanted them to come, I asked to wait for the placenta to come & we would call again when we were ready for them to come.

Whilst our baby was nestled on my chest, Sophia kept bringing me drinks, coconut water, tea, smoothies, snacks, toast etc and we were all talking about what a wonderful birth it was and what an absolutely perfect little scrunch we now had. 

Saffy managed to latch pretty quickly but it wasn't for very long, her head smelt so good. 

After nearly an hour I felt a pressure and that the placenta was ready to come. I squatted over a bowl and it came really easily. 

Davey rang the midwives again to see if someone could come, she said that she would be with us in about 45 mins. 

Davey held Saffy and they had some skin to skin whilst I (nervously) went for my first wee. On the way back I felt quite hot and light headed & we moved the fan over and increased the snacks/drinks. This passed fairly quickly.  

The cord had completely pulsed out and was very white, and I’d read about a cord burning ceremony which really resonated with me, but we hadn’t been sure if we would definitely be able to carry this out. Luckily at the time it was the perfect situation and the perfect way to separate our baby from her placenta. We used a couple of long candles and burnt the cord, it took a little while to completely burn through and there were a few surprising ‘pops’. It was a really special moment. 

Sophia then took the placenta and checked it over, cutting a bit off to make me a smoothie and wrapping another bit to put in the freezer for the following morning’s smoothie. The rest was packaged into the fridge ready for Tortie to collect for encapsulation. I’d been a bit worried about the taste/texture of the smoothie, but it was delicious and just tasted like berries. 

I had lost quite a bit of blood, and I do genuinely think that having this smoothie really slowed my bleeding down after the birth. I also feel the capsules have helped my recovery over the last couple of weeks. Realistically, had midwives been there I think they might have got a bit twitchy and started talking about transferring, but I still felt okay and was refuelling and resting. I definitely think that transferring in would have added a whole lot more stress and not helped the recovery. Again, if I had been worried I would have gone in. 

The midwife arrived, I had met her before, she was from the home birth team which was nice. She checked me over - blood pressure, pulse, palpated to check my uterus was contracting down. She had a look at the estimated blood loss asking a few questions about how I was feeling, and how the birth went etc. I decided I didn’t want to be checked for any tears etc as, whilst I obviously felt very tender and swollen down there, I didn’t feel like I had any real damage. I’d had a need to urinate and did so without any issues or real stinging. I agreed that if I was worried later when the midwife came that afternoon I could get checked then. I already knew that if I had a graze or 1st degree tear I wouldn’t get any stitches as this area is designed to tear a little and heal itself given the chance. I’d followed my body throughout the birth and so also knew I was less likely to have any more serious tears in that situation compared with coached pushing etc. 

She then did some quick newborn checks with Saffy. Saff managed a pretty monumental meconium poo as soon as she left my chest. The midwife checked her weight, for which we wrapped her up in a muslin to avoid the shock of the stark scales after such a warm and cosy start to the world. I was appreciative of the language used by both the midwives who were from the home birth team, saying ‘oh she’s a good size’ rather than ‘oh isn’t she big’ - She was a perfect 9.8lb. 

Where we had performed the cord burning ceremony, it had left a rather long section of umbilical cord attached to Saffy so we asked the midwife to tie it off and cut this down, we had our own cord to tie with - some of the red ribbon left from my Mother Blessing. 

The midwife also checked over the placenta again, there was a little bit that whilst didn’t look quite like a true knot, did look close to one which we wanted to ask about. She said this was likely pseudoknot or a twist in one of the arteries/veins if the cord. 

The other main reason we wanted to get the midwife over was to notify the birth, as it can be really hard to do so if you birth entirely outside of the system - and as I had not been planning a freebirth I had not looked into this at all. 

Note: It is required by law, that any birth is to be notified within 6 hours of a baby's arrival. Midwives in attendance usually take care of this, regardless of where you birth. However, if you birth outside of the system, you are required to notify the birth, unless midwives attend within those 6 ours after your baby is born. 

The midwife left soon after. 

It was now probably around 5/6am, I showered off whilst Saffy had a cuddle with Davey. Sophia helped us all get settled in bed. When I first went up the stairs I felt a bit light headed again but it passed pretty quickly, and I was so happy to be in my bed. She then went downstairs and cleared everything up, packing down the pool and tidying any wet towels away. She was an absolute angel. 

We were all tucked up in bed. Saffy was feeding well & it was time for Sophia to go to her own family and home, and hopefully have some well earned rest. As she left she gave me some of the best advice (as always) which I keep returning to ‘you have been so intuitive and trusted your body throughout birth, now keep doing so over the next days, month and years’ and whenever things come up I try and look back to this rather than deep dark google searches.

Obviously with all the excitement and hormones I was totally unable to sleep, & instead just stared at our precious little scrunch. 

I am so over the moon with my birth story. I think it is so important to share these positive, normal, drama free birth stories - especially with first births. 

Sometimes I think to myself ‘I’m so lucky’ and there is an element of luck that nothing big came up to navigate. But it is also important to note that we did put in a lot of time and work before hand learning about the physiological process of birth. We learnt about the system and how it works, how it is there to support the woman, and when it is there to function as a business; doing things to simply cover their own backs and when it is financially motivated.

We spent time building on the trust & belief in my body and on focusing on my intuition. We read, we listened, we talked and we worked with some incredible birth workers. I can’t really find the words to express how amazing Sophia was both before, during and after the birth. We both have a lot of love for her and she will always be a very special person to our little family."